Not from here nor from there ( essay 3 rough draft)

Racial discrimination has always been an issue in the U.S. Being born a Mexican-American is no exception. I have always struggled to “fit in”. Growing up I had to face the cruelty most minorities struggle with everyday. Such as; feeling like an outcast because of what people said, teachers underestimating our ability to do well in school because of our ethnic background. Even though I always had A’s and B’s and made it to the National Honor Society. In addition, the belief that Latinos could not achieve much in life. I really never let all of that mess get to my head but at times I did feel bad. So I thought well if I do not belong here then where would I go? Mexico was the first place that came into mind; after all, my parents are from Mexico. Finally in the year 2000 the opportunity to travel to Mexico came. My parents decided to take a family vacation. “We are off to Mexico”! My mother said. Happiness invaded my mind and nervousness bubbled inside my body. I was ecstatic to finally have the opportunity to meet the long lost family I had in Mexico and be in touch with my roots. The only two things I knew of that place was the language and the warm handmade tortillas my mother made. I did not know what to expect but I imagined love, happiness, and sun from what I was told. My mother always talked about the palm trees, the beaches and the beautiful hot sunny days all year long. I was excited to see all of that. Living in Washington banned me from that sun mostly all year so I was eager to have it shine on me. As we departed, I was emotionally distraught because I was leaving my American life behind until further notice, but excited to see a new world. As a minority in this country it is not easy to blend into society as an “American” because there are still people out there who see minorities as an outcast. With this in mind I thought well maybe Mexico is the place for me to be. I couldn’t be seen as an outcast there I mean come on it would be like kicking the fish out of the water, where else are they to go? So off I went with my family on this journey.


As I arrived into México it felt odd being in a new place where everyone spoke a different language, Spanish. The way of life was not exactly what I was accustomed to. In a sense it felt more liberal than what I was used to back in the states. People walking down the street would greet me, which was a shock. I thought to myself, “Why are they saying hi to me, they don’t even know who I am”. Everything was so different. For example, the local businesses where closed from 2 p.m. until 4 p.m. for lunch Monday through Saturday. On Sundays they closed up at 2 p.m. until the following day. The life style in México was much more relaxed and stress free. People there were not as worried about life as we Americans tend to do so. They take life with ease. No difference in the rich or poor folks besides their economic status and the way each lives. Even though poverty is abundant in Mexico most poor people seemed to live happy as well. I would see folks living in shacks with not much to eat and they always had a smile on their faces. Overall, it was such a culture shock to me but I liked the “new world” I was trying to conquer. It did feel a little odd but I began to get the hang of things there. At this point I was in love with Mexico and wishing this journey had been done a long time ago. I even asked my parents if it was ok for me to stay in Mexico and attend school there. I was 19 years old and still lived with my parents, so I still had to have their approval. It was a debate that lasted for days but they finally gave in. I ended up staying in Mexico with my extended family for about 2 years. Little did I know what my mouth and my way of life in the states were going to get me in to.


Enrolling into college was not easy. First off, the director did not like the fact that I was Chicana also known as a female Mexican –American, trying to go to school there. He thought I was not at their college level. Even though I had scored an 8.7 which is approximately a 3.5 college GPA score in the assessment test. According to the director, the U.S education expectations are lower than the ones in Mexico. My grandmother had to pull some strings and talk to people at the school board in order for me to attend college. Then came the worse, I had no friends. I was a “loner”. Not by choice but because of the circumstances. No one would talk to me because I was not a native. As dumb and weird as this may sound I was being discriminated harsher than what I had experienced at school in the states. I knew how to speak Spanish well but that did not seem to matter, the fact that I was an “American”, was the native’s dislike. Everywhere I went people gave me a look. No matter how hard I tried to fit in I couldn’t hide my origin. I was laughed at, look down on and expected to be dumb and crazy. Not that there isn’t any people that act dumb and crazy in Mexico, but the fact that I am a Chicana made it worse seemed like. It is not that every American is treated this way. Only the Mexican-Americans do not fit according to Mexican citizens. Just as there are labels for Latinos in the U.S there are labels for Chicanos in Mexico. A Chicano is a drug addict, liberal, trash, has neither morals nor self respect. Chicanos are up to no good and will always be losers because according to natives this is part of the American culture. I couldn’t believe what I was going through. What happened to the world I wanted to conquer? It was there but not the one I expected. Where else was I to go if the two cultures I grew up to love and call my own rejected my origins?


I could not think of any other place so I decided to leave what I thought was the place to be and came back to what I knew best and loved, Washington. Even though I may be looked at as an outcast or as someone that does not belong here I know how to handle the ugly wave that discrimination raises. Who has the power to say where one is to go? No one but ourselves. I do not think one has to be where society pushes one to be. Washington is my home. This is where I was born, this is where my memories lie and this is where my roots will continue to sprout permissible. Mexico will always be in my heart because that is where some of the most important people in my life are from but I cannot say that is a place I can call my own.